Please advice... (this is going to be damn long...)

i'm stuck with a problem here and I really have no idea how to move forward... there's just this nagging feeling inside me that says why deal with such an asshole... but let me reason with you why i should deal with such an asshole... (tell me if i'm wrong...)

stupid as i may describe myself, i've loaned people money one too many times to know that it really is hard to get it back... at least really not after the heaps of smses or calls... don't you just feel that such people are like cockroaches? irritating to the core... you feel like just stamping on them but they just keep dodging and stamping on them would only result in dirty shoes... yet you still want to stamp on them just cos you can't just leave them running around right? they'll just be there to gnaw at everything they get their little twigs on and irritate the shits out of you again...

anyways, i've learnt to attain a level of zen when stamping just isn't successful yet just not zen enough to give up on stamping... so this is when i do ask for other advise on how to successfully rid a cockroach right down to the squishy mash leftovers disinfected with dettol and Dr. Clean or something...

maybe a suggestion for example cockroach traps that sticks the little brat in its place till it twists its little head off in hunger or cockroach poison of which pests like them would think they've got good food only to bring it home to poison the rest of their little friends and family... it'll be good to suggest a good brand that is tried, tested and guranteed to pass 100% every single time...

anyways back to the topic... so like this particular someone owes me money, for like say about just a little less than a year... first queation you might ask, how much? if not much then forget it lo... yeah okie, it really depends on how you look at it, its $1500.00 (note that the decimal point comes after the first 4-digits)... too much or just a pinch, i've previously decided to forget about it but... (i'll come to this in the later part...) so, this person owes me $1500.00 for like quite some time already... in july 2009, when we were still on talking terms, this person supposedly told me that he would return me the money by the last quarter of 2009... which ultimately just means before 2010 right? so just cos of the years i've known this person, (and how this person use to tell me that he too feels that people who owe me money and dun return are seriously f**ked up), i decided to trust this person and leave it, trusting that this person will have the decency and not be too thick skin to owe me the money for too long...

so aug passed, sept pased, oct passed... you get the drift and dec came... the problem came cos this person and i stopped speaking to each other in aug... but ultimately, i still had trust in this person to return me the money without me having to ask for it... but mid dec came and still no news... so i had no choice, i deliberated hard on whether i should approach this person directly to ask for the money but cos we haven't been talking, its not nice for me to first thing open my mouth to ask for it right?

so i decided to go through a middle person, this person's colleague... why his colleague you ask? well, cos his colleague also knows this person owes me money... (and this person also owe this colleague money before...) so you see, i never go and blab out to other people about this, only the colleague who already knew about it... so i told the colleague, 'eh... you go hint hint ***** leh... like see if got intention to return the money or not...' so the colleague went to hint hint then came back with the reply that the person said will contact me about it...

so i just left it as it is... cos i still trust the person to return what... yeah i'm stupid... but never mind since its not 2010 yet what... still have time... but guess what? like a day after, some very good friend came to tell me... 'eh... go to ***** fb and see. think referring to you lehz...' so curious about what it could be, i decided to go see see look look lo... only to find out that the person who owe me money told people that i was asking him back for money that i apparantly gave... (note: the word is 'gave')... seriously, 'gave'?! and the person of whom the person told the lie to was very sarcastic... (word of advice, dun be saarcastic on stories based on lies, it just makes you look stupid that even you were being lied to...) so i was damn pissed... like disgustingly pissed pissed... you owe me money, i gave you grace period, never chase you and now you backstab me?! $#^&%*%#^ *zen*

so of course, though i'm no saint, i decided not to blow up the matter or do anything about the comment... after a few days, the comment disappeared off the wall... (what does it tell you? huh? huh? guilty? knowing that someone knows that truth behind your blatant lies?) although being no saint, i'm not one who will offer you my other cheek after you've slapped me on one... so i decided to be more aggresive in chasing back for the money... (all i wanted was an answer as to whether or not you will return... if you have no intention to return then tell me.. i'll give it up... but no, you had to backstab me to look suave infront of whoever...)

[i really think there should be like a to-be-continued to this post.. but i thought otherwise.. you just split it up into like an entertainment read for office over the next few days la...]

continued... so after being backstabbed, i decided to msn this person one day in 2010 to ask for it... cos officially the dateline for payback which was 2009 is over... so i started off nice by asking how was life and all.. its all pretence by the way... do i look like i f**king care about your life when you've stabbed me in the back? but polite a person as i was, i still asked after this person, until i decided to go into THE TOPIC... then this person voiced out all disappointments about me... apparantly this person was unhappy that i had to go through other people to get to him lo... so alright... next time i dun go through other people... (this conversation had no conclusion about THE TOPIC)...

so the next day i msned the person asking for the money again... no reply... the next day again i msned the person, again no reply... then finally i msned the person again on the third day asking for alternative way to contact... this was my msn msg, 'would you please inform me or give me an answer as to how you intend to go about the situation? As well, you mentioned that you were unhappy that I approached your friends to get to you. then when I approach you directlly, you ignore or avoid or whatever. So please inform how you want me to go about it? then finally the reply came... and i quote, 'sorry, i was out of office. I will not be able to do anything about your 1.5k for now... as i do not have any extra amount lying ard.'

so next thing i just asked this person to at least commit to returning me some money as in by instalments... 750 a month or 500 a month... no reply... a day passed...then can you guess what happened next? guess! guess! the person disappeared! like vanished... no longer on msn, no longer on fb... whoa!! happening lehz... alien abduction?

the ultimate disappearing act... what can i do... i also not loanshark... splash paint and hang pig head mehz? please someone tell me what to do... if you even have the slightest thought to tell me to forget about getting the money back. SCREW YOU! save your god-like advice for yourself... you wait till someone owe you so much money and still stab you in the back after all the f**king kindness shown then i see how you can forget it...

anyways, there are more interesting stories on my stupidity that I would really love to tell... when the time is right... saving the best for last... heh!

you know i love ya'll...
ummuackz...

keeping the 'it' out of my life...

its almost a week into the new year and this new year really started off quite nicely, what can go wrong with tv marathons and a steamboat dinner with my favourites... i've got new things to look forward to and feel excited about... this year, or should i say, from now on, my life would be about me and my little duchess... i wake up to little stretches every morning, swollen legs, cracked lips and an aching back... but alls well!

i've started to realise that there are certain things that you can't change... i've decided to give up... even though my perseverance on it hasn't been long... i don't want to care about it, worry about it, fret over it or have anything to do with it... it just makes my frowns deeper, hair whiter, cheeks flabbier and just turns me uglier than i already am... so i've decided to move on... keep the it out of my life and concentrate on pampering myself and my little duchess...

ask my chummies out a little more often, they make me laugh so much... i'm really the silliest looking crap whenever i'm out with them... but it really has always been heaven with them around... nothing else can really beat that... little duchess will be the luckiest duchess to have them as aunties... *reminds myself to bring along ear muffs...* ...fyfyahyi...

my constant support of which i thought supposedly should be is no longer a constant support... maybe plays more of a constant disappointing role than ever... a finger pointing support and a lying one doesn't really count as a reliable one... therefore in this new year a newly made resolution is to not bother... probably makes my life a little more miserable but it definitely beats having to fight the disappointment every time and again...

anyways, i'm still the usual happy self... no worries to all who think i'm upset and want to comfort me... its nothing huge really... because it really doesn't matter to me anymore...

love the ones i love, given up on the rest... ummuackz...

life as it is...

life as it is is weird sometimes. the losses and the gains, the happiness and the pains, the memories and the state of forgets... i have come to realise that women do not actually forgive and forget... women probably do forgive but its tough to forget... and then again if you can't forget, what makes you think you've forgiven? whilst forgiving is an act, forgetting is too an act to be shown out of forgiveness, no? forgiving and forgetting aren't a woman's forte and yet would it be that of men? when pain etches itself into a scar, forgiving and forgetting would be just of speech and nothing more...

i'm just being a little emo this morning... having an additional soul within just takes its toll on you somewhat... the random clumsiness, the ever-so-often unbalanced mental states, the slower brain usage, etc... yet advantages do come with the additional bump... the rights and privileges of a queen, the support and concern from a love and the smiles and laughters from my girls... all of whom i'll treasure and appreciate, all of whom i'll love and remember...

the occassional dinners, the lovely messages of cheer and joy, the conversations of sharing, the chanting e-mails and the gentle touches of excitements... all these carries along its beams of warmth, its rays of smiles and a hug that's worth everything to me... thanking my pillars of strength, indepted to my pillows of comfort, cherishing my source of happiness...

to my husband, my family, my chummies, my friends...