tears...

''My Life has successfully been turned from mundane to pure torture...
Jacky Wu, CSI, House... its pointless watching them anymore''

if i tear, what does it mean? i never wanted to hurt you. never once was that on my mind. you know you are precious to me. you know you mean everything to me. i keep thinking about the pain i've caused you. i know it is difficult. yet i do have my concerns. i don't want you to fall sick. knowing that you're sick and not doing anything about it makes me understand more about the pain i've caused you. i know i'm selfish. all i ever thought of was for myself. to have time to live a life that i want. to do the things that i want. six years is a long time. i want you to understand that i have as much hard a time as you are having. i want so badly to go over to give you a hug to tell you that everything will be alright. but i know it would not help anything. i tear cause i know how much pain i've caused. i know whatever i do, i will never be able to make up for everything i've done to you. i try very hard not to think about you. not to acknowledge the fact that you're hurt. but i'm constantly reminded whenever i pass by. i no longer watch those shows. don't wanna be reminded. but everywhere i've passed by always seems to have bits & pieces of unforgettable times spent with you. i no longer eat lunch at the coffee shop. i've changed my jogging route. even the laptop i'm using has a piece of you in it. its tough to let go. i'm unsure if its the right thing i am doing. but as of now, if i still do not have an answer, i know full well that it would be unfair if i spoke with you. i know it'll hurt you a whole lot. i dont want to assure you that everything will be alright but i do want you to know that everytime you're hurt, i feel just as much, if not more for you. crying myself to sleep no longer means anything when the tears dry up. yet i'm reminded of it whenever a sniffle comes about. i love you. always will. i'm sorry it hurts but its something i have to go through.